Father…

   Everyone who knows me knows I love my Dad with everything I have.  I dont want to see him sad or hurt or anything.  I would be sadder and hurt more.

Dad is going thru a divorce.  At his age (72) Im concerned about him.  He acts as tho its nothin, but I still wonder.  I try to call him as much as possible, just to talk to him and check up.  They were married for almost 20 years, and tho the lines of communication have broken down, I know he is still used to having someone around, doing things for him and just generally there for him. 

I never really gotten on with this woman.  No fault of my own; she just didnt really care for me.  I dont really blame her.  I think she felt threatened by our (my father and I) relationship, even resented it I would venture to say.  She made things hard…I never went to visit Dad while he was with this woman only because I did not want to put my father in the position to have to chose between the two of us.  And she would have made that happen.  

This Christmas will be the first time I have seen my father in 5 years, and visited my father in his home for the first time since the marriage.  Im looking forward to it.  I also want to go because this is the first real holiday he will be alone.  But not if I can help it.   Its gonna be a lil hard financially, but Im goin; I’ll deal with that later…

Dad asked me if my job was doing anything down there.  I think the root cause of that was he is thinking of me coming there to live with him.  I cant say the same thing did not cross my mind since I heard of the divorce.  Of course I would be willing.   I think that realistically we can look into that about this time 2007.  I need to get a few things off my plate.  I need to untangle my license from California so I can get a car under me.  Im not to worried about the job thingy;  Im an employable person and can get a job anywhere I go.  I just need the car to get around…

More on this later…

::LATER::

!!MY XMAS WAS THE BEST EVER!!

I went to see my father as I said before.  Somehow the Lord just put everything in its place and the trip went off smoothly.  I rode the bus for 190.00 which I had purchased the Friday before.  Not bad when flying and the train would have both been over 300.

I got to see a lot of stuff; Im originally from Cali, so this South thing is new to me.  We went thru Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana, before hitting the Dallas/Fort Worth area.  I met some people on the bus early on, and we sort of rode together.  Caught up on some sleep.  I had a pleasant trip

I was really glad to see my father.  It had been 3-4 years since I looked into his face, tho we talk on the phone 2 or so days  of the week.  He looked understandably older, but still the same. 

We spent alot to time talking, just about things; my father is a very learned man and a good conversationalist.  We looked at alot of pictures-Dad has mugshots I didnt know existed!  

The ‘talking’ was the most valued thing to me.  like I said, we talked about a lot of things, and Dad told me alot of things I didnt kno; about our lives, things that happened when we were younger…it was very enlightening.  

One day we talked all day! We hadnt realized that the TV never came on till we turned it on. (::smile::) It was a precious time for me.

When it came time to leave, I reverted right back to that child who used to cry rivers every time my father had to leave. Except I was the one leaving!   I didnt go full-flood, but things got misty.    How crazy it that?  But we managed to get thru it.  When I got on the bus, I watched him till he drove off.  Then I let a real tear or two fall.  It wasnt a sad tear-I guess its just that I love him so much,  it has to come out somewhere.  I dont feel sad, I think I feel warm and squishy and happy he’s mine… 

I dont know; but its a good thing.

I dont know what I would do without him…